Never
by Alexa
Summary: A weird little story I wrote - warning: I'm sick, and I think the medicine is weirding out my mind....


Author's Note: This is a little something (that I happen to hate) from Ron's PoV that I wrote....ummm....yeah. Warning: I'm sick, and I think the medication is weirding out my mind, because when I re-read this after I wrote it, it kinda freaked me out, even though it's not really a creepy story. Actually, now that I think about it, this story could also be told from Harry's PoV - just replace the words Ron with Harry and vice versa for all you Harry/Hermione shippers. Please, don't judge me on this story because it's terrible! Thanks, 

.·:*·.(¨`v´¨).·* :·..·:*·. .·:*·.(¨`v´¨).·* :·..·:*·.(¨`v´¨).·* :·..·:*·.(¨`v´¨).·* :·..·:*·. .·:*·.(¨`v´¨).·* :·. .·:*·.:.`v´.·*:·.Alexa .·:*·.·:*·`v´.·*:·.·:*·..·*:·:.`v´.·*:·.·*:··*:·.·:`v´.·*:·..·*:·..·*:·..·:*·.`v´.·*:·. 

Disclaimer: All characters belong to the great and fabulous J.K. Rowling (which you should know, considering that I am nowhere near creative enough to create great characters like these! 

Three days since the news. The news I knew I was supposed to be ecstatic about, but just couldn't work up the excitement. Harry and Hermione. A couple. Dating. Going out. I smiled at them when they gave me the news, congratulated them as my heart sank into my stomach. See, I love Hermione. I can't imagine a life without her, can't picture not being with her forever. I brush it off by playing jokes with Fred and George. I have little relief from the two of them; there are about three. Schoolwork, prank-playing, and Never. 

Never. The safest place I've ever been. It's a place inside my head, a place I can go when I just need to relax and get away from everything. Nothing ever happens there. No broken hearts, no danger, no risk of feelings that are unreturned. After Hermione started dating Harry, I spent most of my time there, basking in the safety of the cold, dark place where there were no emotions. Never. It was my relief. There was nowhere in Hogwarts like it. I would have enjoyed it far more if it weren't so lonely there. After awhile, it got boring with no one to talk to. Especially without Hermione. Gorgeous, gentle Hermione. And I gave up the idea of trying to forget her, because I couldn't. There was no way. So I decided to go after her. 

I knew I probably shouldn't do such a thing. Trying to steal my best friend's girlfriend? It was just cruel. But there was no other way. There was one difference between Harry and me: I needed her. Harry didn't. You could tell by the way he acted. He was obviously attracted to her, but he didn't need her the way I did. When I wasn't holding her, she was the thing missing from my arms. When Harry wasn't holding her, you could tell that he didn't feel the need to hold her. But I did. Besides, there were millions of other girls into dating Harry. He was Harry Potter for God's sake - he could take his pick. And, yet, the one he chose was the one I wanted. Needed. And I had to get her back. 

There was no way I could live without her. Not even in Never. Because even in Never there's something missing after awhile. So, I began to devise a plan about how to win her back. Back. Ha. She was never mine to begin with. But in the mind, there's all sorts of possibilities. In my mind I can see her. Her and me. There's stars, and they're twinkling above us, like a million candles. There's a breeze, a warm breeze. I don't know where it came from. But it doesn't matter, because Hermione's there and all I can see is her face. Her eyes sparkle like the stars, and they're as bright as the moon. I take her hand and it's warm and soft, and I want to hold it forever. She leans her head against my shoulder and closes her eyes, and I can feel the warmth of her touch rippling through me, I can hear her breathing and I can hear her contented sigh. I touch her hair and it's soft and silky, and it blows back in the wind. And as she closes her eyes I lean in to kiss her, and it's the most wonderful kiss in the world. And then I come back to reality and see her grinning at Harry, and I know she's not mine. Yet. Yet. The key word. The word that saved me from going completely insane. She wasn't mine yet. But she would be. 

I study them out of the corner of my eye. Hermione's laughing, but I can tell she isn't happy. When she's really contented, her laugh is strong and beautiful, like music. But now, her laughter is empty. To anyone who isn't listening closely, she's genuinely amused. To me, her laugh is hollow. I wonder if her heart is hollow too. I wonder if Harry makes her happy. But then she puts her arm around him and smiles, a real smile, one that I've seen a million times before. And I'm suddenly disgusted at myself. At my feelings, at my plot to steal her away from Harry. And that's when I decide to let them be. They deserve to be happy. Both of them. Happy, fulfilled, contented - everything. And I refuse to steal her away. If anything happens, it will be the happenings of fate. Not the consequences of my actions. It won't be caused by me. Never. 

The Quidditch field is wild and alive with the sound of cheers and catcalls. Hermione's next to me, on the edge of her seat, biting her nails. I grin at her, amused at her intensity level. She lets out a shaky breath and smiles back. She always gets nervous when he plays Quidditch. I love the way she bites her lip when she feels that too much expression is showing on her face. She's incredibly emotional and she hates it. I can tell in the way she always tries to hide it. It's adorable how brave she is. Her nails are just stubs now, but she bites them anyway. I don't think she even realizes she's doing it. I wonder if she'd do the same if it was me up there. 

As I watch her, Harry dives for the Snitch. Malfoy's racing for it too, but Harry's miles ahead. He catches it, and we explode into cheers - three fourths of the stadium. Hermione's jumping up and down and screaming, as am I. And then, the temptation becomes too much. She's right there and she's so happy. I grab her around the waist, lift her up and spin her around in my joy. She grins at me, and shrieks. And then she looks into my eyes and stops. I lower her slowly, my breath caught in my throat. She isn't laughing and screaming anymore, she's staring at me with an amazed look in her eyes. There's lump in my throat as I stare at her, the rest of the cheering Gryffindors scarlet blurs around me. And a second later she kisses me, and it's exactly the way I imagined it. When it ends, my eyes tear up and I can barely see her. I rub my eyes and look into her face, praying that it's not another fantasy. It isn't. She stares at me almost fearfully. She's trying to hide her emotions again, I can see it. And then, in a second, she whirls around and pushes her way through the rows of people, down to the field where Harry has landed his broom and is scanning the stands for her. 

He waves to me and I wave back, punching the air with my fist in a silent cheer, thanking God that he didn't see her kiss me. And then I see her sprinting across the field to him. She throws her arms around him without even a glance at me. And I wonder when it was that my life became so confusing. 

Three hours later she's still hanging on to Harry like a barnacle - she hasn't said more than two words to me all evening. So I'm in my dorm, all alone, fleeing from all emotions. I've resigned to the land of Never. I'm not brave enough to be in love yet. I wonder what she's thinking at that moment. I wonder if she's thinking of me. 

She is. She must be. Somewhere in my heart I can feel it. We have a bond, a special one. One where we can almost see into each other's minds, into the darkest corners of the other's souls. And somewhere, in the back of her mind, there's a thought of me. There has to be. I wonder if she knows that I think of her. I wonder a lot of things about her. I wonder if she can see into my soul, see how she's tearing me apart. I can feel myself shaking, my insides erupting with all the millions of things that I want to say, but I'm forced to keep them to myself. There's so many things I wish I knew. 

Three days after the match, she's quiet and withdrawn. Even Harry's noticed it. She's silent, and always up in her dorm after classes. She doesn't eat much; just drags her food around her plate, taking an occasional sip of pumpkin juice. I wish I knew what was wrong with her. She excuses herself early for dinner, and I decide that there's no more wishing. I have to find out. Sometime, sometime soon. I need to know. 

The perfect opportunity came the next day. Harry was stuck in detention with Snape, and it was a beautiful sunny day, the sky a crystal blue and the lake shimmering in the sun. But Hermione, perfect Hermione, is shut up in her dorm, doing God knows what. God, and now me, I decide, and I make my way across the common room and up the stairs to her dormitory. It's empty, except for one bed which has the curtains shut tightly around it. I hesitate, and then cross the room to it and knock on one of the bedposts. 

"Knock, knock!" I call, trying to keep the shaking out of my voice. She doesn't answer. "Hermione?" Still nothing. Taking a deep breath, I part the curtains in one quick motion. She's there, lying on her stomach, a pair of silver headphones on her ears. She doesn't seem to notice me. I reach for the headphones. There's only one surefire way to tell if Hermione's depressed - by the music she listens to. She protests as I lift them out of her silky hair, but I ignore her and put them over my ears. Sure enough, Rearranged resounds through my head. "Limp Bizkit, Hermione? They're kinda depressing...." She angrily snatches them back. 

"What would you know?" she snaps, sitting up and staring me right in the face. She's very intimidating, but I won't let her outdo me. I love her. I have to be strong. 

"Hermione - what's wrong with you? You haven't talked to me ever since the Quidditch match, you haven't been eating, and you spend all your time holed up here doing who knows what! You're depressed, Hermione Granger, and I want to know why." 

"But -" She protests, but I cut her off. Nothing can stop me; I have to know. 

"Tell me, Hermione." I sink down on to the bed beside her and fold my arms across my chest, waiting expectantly. She doesn't speak. "Well?" I demand. She looks surprised. Normally I would have given up by now, knowing that I was fighting a losing battle, frightened by her intimidating stare. But normally I didn't have so great of a goal to achieve, so much of a motivation. I stare at her, waiting, and she knows I won't give up. She is defeated. 

"I want to break up with Harry," she offers lamely. I continue to stare at her, unconvinced. "What?" she snaps angrily, her voice rising, "you wanted to know and I told you. Are you satisfied now?" 

"No," I answer shortly. There's more. I know it. I can feel it. She glowers at me. 

"What do you want to know, Ron? Do you want to know why?" 

"Yes," I reply. It's a start. 

"I don't think that's any of your business," she answers coldly. 

"Oh, but I think it is," I tell her in an annoyingly calm voice, "I mean, if my best friend is about to get dumped by my other best friend, I think I should be entitled to knowing the reason." 

"Well, you're not." She puts the headphones again, and I tear them off and stick them behind me so they can't distract her again. "Ron!" She yells, outraged. Her eyes are flashing angrily. I stare at her calmly, waiting. "Fine, you really want to know?" I nod, wondering to no end if it's because of me. "I don't even know why, Ron. I don't feel it anymore. He doesn't either. It's over." 

"Since when?" I ask her, my heart beating wildly. 

"I don't know." Her tone is more gentle now, and she doesn't meet my eyes. I decide to take a chance. 

"Does this have anything to do with a little something that occurred about three days ago?" I wait for the answer with bated breath, half wanting to know, the other half dreading the answer. She looks up, startled. 

"No!" she says fiercely. Fiercely and just a little too quickly. I raise my eyebrows at her. "Okay - maybe." I still stare at her, waiting for the real truth. She's silent, and then, out of nowhere, she explodes. "Okay, fine! Yes! Yes it does! Yes, it has everything to do with that! In fact, it's all based on that! There, are you happy now?" She's out of breath from her little outburst, and I stare at her, surprised. 

"You - you don't mean -" 

"Yes I do. I love you, Ron, okay? Is that what you wanted to hear? Please, just go away! Leave me alone! I can't take it anymore...." I sit, numb with shock, hoping she won't get too hysterical. But I've gotten what I want, what I've always wanted. She loves me. I have her. She's still ranting. "Please Ron - you're not even supposed to be in here - just go away, I hate this -" 

"Shh...Hermione, be quiet. It's okay. I love you too, and we're going to be fine." She crawls into my lap and she suddenly looks very young and innocent and afraid, like a five year old that's just had a nightmare. She's scared, I realize. She's scared, just like me. Even though she's not crying, I put my arms around her and rock her back and forth, resting my chin on her shoulder. I'm there for her, forever. Now all we have to do is break the news to Harry. 

Two days later, everything's perfect. Harry ended up dumping Hermione for some Ravenclaw - it was a friendly breakup. Mutual. I wondered why they even went out to start with. But it doesn't matter, because we're all still best friends and will be, forever. 

Some kind of natural disaster has hit the land of Never, such a terrible one that my visits there have become limited. Only when the need is extremely great do I go there, to the dark corners of my mind where I can be alone in this wild world. But Harry and Hermione keep me going, and I know that soon, Never will disappear from existence. I know I won't mourn the loss. Because, with my two best friends, I've got everything I need. Everything. Forever. 

Whoa....creepy story. It sucked, and I know it. I don't mind criticism, but please, no flames. Ugh. Maybe I should go back to fluffy bunny stories..... 


End file.
